Terrible things happened in Solihull during the recent bad weather. I have used this blog to summarise them:
– The church BBQ was cancelled. The day of the BBQ was actually gloriously sunny but the fear of God had been struck into church members that the lawn might get muddy marks on it if walked upon.
– The youth group leadership team spent a week at the Lickey Hills working out how best to start a brand new community should the West Midlands be totally flooded.
– My grass got so much water and sun combined that it has very quickly got to the stage that I cannot bear to face it with the lawn mower.
– Solihull Metropolitan Borough Council have given up on trying to fill in the potholes.
– Ladies everywhere are freaking from going an even pastier white from lack of sun.
– Solihull Wellies Incorporated saw its 3 month profit returns increase by 452%. They are now the fifth biggest employer in Solihull behind Indian Railways, Tesco, the Chinese Army and SAC (Silhillians Against Chavs Ltd).
– Three gerbils and an elderly cat were drowned.
– I got bored of the weather.
As you can see, all in all, it has been a traumatic time for all of us. I hope you don’t forget us now that the media spotlight seems consumed with Gloucestershire. Just because its not on telly doesn’t mean we aren’t suffering. The post is out so don’t send food parcels or drinking water.
Unfortunately for myself things are about to get much worse. I am about to go to Newday, a big Christian festival for young people. Last year the porta-showers were so bad someone found a poo floating in one of them. I’m getting ready for itchy feet syndrome again. If I don’t catch cholera, see you in a week.